@prufrockluvsong

So we have to sing happy birthday when we wash our hands but what key though WHAT KEY

@prufrockluvsong

[first day in the army]

me: hi I like your slacks

him: stop calling them slacks they’re camo pants

me: ok but I also like your blouse

@prufrockluvsong

waiter: would you like anything else ma’am?

me: yes please, a box for the leftovers that I will most definitely leave here on the table.

@prufrockluvsong

them: I like that filter on you

me: [doesn’t have snap but enjoys mounting butterflies directly to my head] th… thanks

@prufrockluvsong

houseguest: is this a pull out couch

me: no we kind of just hope for the best

@prufrockluvsong

my phone: here’s a
n o t i f i c a t i o n

me: not now my little radiation rectangle, not now

@prufrockluvsong

New year new me, I say as I get a new me out of deep freeze and bury the old me in the woods

@prufrockluvsong

I had a terrible dream that monsters came out from under the bed at night and ate up all the pecan pie. I woke up screaming MY PIE