@prufrockluvsong I had a terrible dream that monsters came out from under the bed at night and ate up all the pecan pie. I woke up screaming MY PIE
@prufrockluvsong 
@prufrockluvsong an app that shows you who NOT to date called ok stupid
@prufrockluvsong Parents: lying is bad
Also parents: if the ticket guy asks, you’re still 11
@prufrockluvsong Me: *skips a rock perfectly across a pond*
Fred Flintstone: OH NO MY CELL PHONE
@prufrockluvsong Him: I’m leaving you
Me: *eating a cantaloupe like an apple* why though
@prufrockluvsong Nobody:
Nobody:
Nobody:
Nobody:
Me: ahhh my severed head collection is coming along nicely
@prufrockluvsong [buried under a pile of geese]
Ah yes, murder most fowl. Excellent.
@prufrockluvsong SHAKE WHAT YOUR MAMA GAVE YOU
*shakes buy one get one free coupon*
@prufrockluvsong Waiter: here’s your milksha-
James Bond: grrrrrrr
Waiter: -stirred your milkstirred
@prufrockluvsong Egg drop soup
Egg clumsy
Egg bad waiter
Egg fired again
Egg turn to life of crime