1st base: kissing
2nd base: petting
base 10: freaky math stuff
her: my therapist keeps canceling appointments to go on vacation to who knows where
me: [under breath] whereapist
shout “out” to people who stick around too long at your house
employee: should I restock the vegetables
manager: why aren’t you using the time-saving code words from my training
employee: fine, should I *air quote fingers* reproduce
video games are rated M for mature if they contain scenes of someone buying reading glasses or complaining about not getting enough fiber
ruin a date by talking about marriage and then following through on it
shark tooth fairy: *throwing fins up in the air* I quit
me: *wistful* what if you could go back in time and relive a delightful meal with a loved one?
him: is it leftovers again?
me: it’s leftovers again.
Dylan Thomas: Do not go gentle into that good night… Rage, rage against the dying of the light…
*cut to me already Hulk-smashing a lamp
learn to swear in every language by watching the world cup at your local bar