@prufrockluvsong

her: my therapist keeps canceling appointments to go on vacation to who knows where

me: [under breath] whereapist

@prufrockluvsong

employee: should I restock the vegetables

manager: why aren’t you using the time-saving code words from my training

employee: fine, should I *air quote fingers* reproduce

@prufrockluvsong

video games are rated M for mature if they contain scenes of someone buying reading glasses or complaining about not getting enough fiber

@prufrockluvsong

me: *wistful* what if you could go back in time and relive a delightful meal with a loved one?

him: is it leftovers again?

me: it’s leftovers again.

@prufrockluvsong

Dylan Thomas: Do not go gentle into that good night… Rage, rage against the dying of the light…

*cut to me already Hulk-smashing a lamp

@prufrockluvsong

learn to swear in every language by watching the world cup at your local bar