Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

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Page of punmagnate's best tweets

@punmagnate : how much does a mortician urn in a year

@punmagnate: Alright, I know you're all wary of funding another Jurassic Park when all the others have ended in disaster, but I have 3 words that will blow your mind: Chance the Velocirapper

@punmagnate: IF ANYONE EVER ASKS YOU WHAT TIME IT IS PUT ON SHADES AND SAY "ITS SHOWTIME"

@punmagnate: Hold on, you guys. Turns out the person with bad opinions is extremely attractive. I'm on their side now.

@punmagnate: INTERVIEWER: tell me about a time you refused to compromise
ME: no

@punmagnate: What idiot called them astronomers and not skyentists

@punmagnate: If you're unsure if you're pregnant or not that's called a maby

@punmagnate: MAYOR'S TIP: before you spend 20 minutes blowing an air mattress, make sure it's really an air mattress, and not Gary hiding under a blanket

@punmagnate: "Name?" queries the Starbucks barista. The almighty feathered serpent Quetzalcoatl only sighs.

@punmagnate: I came up with a new word yesterday: Plagiarism