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@ramblinma : Him: Are you eating cake for breakfast again?
Me: [mouth full] It's got eggs in it.
@ramblinma: Me: I need to make better life choices.
Also me: CAKE FOR BREAKFAST IT IS.
@ramblinma: Pediatrician: They're only getting two hours of screen time a day, right?
Me: HAHAHAHA! I mean, yes.
@ramblinma: I didn’t realize 80% of song lyrics were inappropriate until I had to listen to them in the car with my kids.
@ramblinma: Have kids close in age so they can be friends and so you don't sleep for 7 years.
@ramblinma: The fastest land mammal is a toddler who’s been asked what’s in their mouth.
@ramblinma: Him: I like bad girls.
Me: Sometimes I deliberately leave out the Oxford comma.
Me: That's a lie. I'm sorry, I can't do this.
@ramblinma: My kid at 8am: Mommy!
Me: Yes, my love?
My kid at 8pm: Mommy!
Me: WHAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTT NOWWWWW?!
@ramblinma: Before kids: I'll never let my kids eat that garbage.
After kids: "Hi, do you guys sell that cereal that's just the marshmallows?"
@ramblinma: Me: "Do that thing I like."
Husband: *orders pizza*