@randypaint [invention of wine]
guy: i squished some grapes then let the juice sit for a couple years
friend: why
guy: to drink it, obviously
friend: are u okay
@randypaint @randypaint brain: bounce leg
me: why
brain: bounce
me: ok that’s fair
brain: now crack knockles
@randypaint gal gadot: i will fix this virus panic
everyone: how
gal gadot: do u like john lennon
everyone: no
gal gadot: imagine if u did tho
@randypaint some guy a long time ago: it’s my birthday
friends: nice. what if we sang u a song about it while we stare at u
guy: i would hate it
friends: oh ya we would too
guy: perfect let’s do that forever
@randypaint life: here’s some lemons
me: alright
life: a bad hairline too
me: wait-
life: also anxiety lol
me: why did u start with citrus
@randypaint rose: yes, i was on the titanic
guy: okay, where is this diamond
rose: first i’m gonna tell u about this boy
guy: can u just tell us where the-
rose: best sex of my life. easily.
@randypaint him: the name is bond
me: oh ok that’s easy lol
him: james bond
me:
him:
me: [worried] is…is there more should i get a pen
@randypaint god: why should i let u into heaven
me: for starters i didn’t invent heroin
god: what
me: i also didn’t invent wars, racism, poverty, cance-
god: ok i get it
me: mosquitoes
@randypaint friend: we’re worried ur on drugs
salvador dali: why i’m not at all
friend: ur paintings dont make sense
dali: how does this fat elephant with tall skinny legs not make sense
friend: what
dali: can i borrow ten dollars
@randypaint the bachelor: i will date twenty four other women in front of ur face
contestant: ok
the bachelor: u can’t get jealous tho
contestant: i mean i feel like i might get jealous
the bachelor: lol ok katie
contestant: it’s jennifer