I thought PrintNightmare was when your boss caught you using the company photocopier to make your lost goldfish flyers.


“And we’re back at the Baby Walking Finals!”

“Our next competitor is attempting a 3 inch step…”

“He got his right foot down firmly and the grandparents are impressed. Can he stick the landing?”

“He’s coming down with his left foot and… Ohhhhh he’s fallen flat on his face!”


Of course when Godzilla destroys the city is the same day I wear flip flops and no belt!


Girlfriend: Are you crying?

Me: It’s a wedding episode…

Gf: But you don’t even like this show

Me: Yeah but at first the wedding was cancelled…but they pulled it together…because of love 😭


[Terminator Academy]

Terminator: When you travel to the past you will arrive nude.

Insecurminator: oh no!


Worm: These early birds are decimating our population.

Other worm: I’ve developed some tech that’ll impede their early rising abilities.

Worm: What is it?

Other worm: I call it “a YouTube rabbit hole”


I woke up this morning next to a dead fly that I don’t know. I need to stop drinking.


Producer: What should we do with the deer movie?

Walt Disney: Kill the mom.

P: and the mermaid movie?

WD: Kill the mom.

P: maybe for the lion movie we can do something different?

WD: Oh ok….kill the dad.


What did people count before they counted Mississippis? Mesopotamias? Kathmandus? Cucamongas?