@reallifemommy3

My kid fell off the bed and into the laundry basket head first. She’ll probably never forgive me for laughing so hard but I’m only human and that shits funny

@reallifemommy3

*Toddler throws sock on floor and bursts into tears*

Me: Why are you crying?!

Toddler: Because someone took my sock

Me: No one took your sock!

Toddler: Then where is it?!

Me: It’s right there on the floor next to my sanity

@reallifemommy3

Dog: Take me out! I need to poop!

Me: Okay, we’re out, go potty

Dog: My bad. I meant I need to poop tomorrow. Thanks for the walk though

Me: IT’S 2AM!

@reallifemommy3

First Child: I won’t bribe my kid with food, it’s unhealthy

Third Child: If you put your underwear on I’ll buy you ice cream

@reallifemommy3

Me: I got the vaccine!

MIL: I’m coming for a visit

Me: I don’t want it anymore!

@reallifemommy3

After three hours with the kids my husband asked me to put him in time out and I was like: Hell no! it’s my turn

@reallifemommy3

Me: Is…is this a toenail?
Kid: Yes
Me: Why did you hand me a toenail?
Kid: Because I want to take it home
Me: Is it YOUR toenail?
Kid: Yes
Me: Throw it out, please
Kid: No, it’s a part of me
Me: Do you save all your toenails?
Kid: No…should I?!
Me: DEAR GOD, NO!

@reallifemommy3

Need some quiet time this Mother’s Day? Stick your toddler in the tub with a dissolved bath bomb and ask her to find it

@reallifemommy3

The only thing worse than a mandatory office get together, is a virtual mandatory office get together

@reallifemommy3

My toddler told me to open my mouth and close my eyes and then proceeded to eat the surprise herself. She’s clearly ready for adulthood