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Page of refreshingslurp's best tweets

@refreshingslurp : me on ellen

ellen: so i heard you love guillotining the rich

me: ya

(the studio is filled with the terrified screams of investment bankers)

me: omg ellen you didn’t

@refreshingslurp: Professor X: what's your power
Me: I can make anything sexy
Sexy Professor X: how

@refreshingslurp: [public execution]

Townsperson: these are always so morbid

Me: *quickly hiding giant foam finger*

@refreshingslurp: Me: I wish all prime numbers were sex numbers

Genie: done

Me: how many wishes do I have left?

Genie: 2

Me: nice

@refreshingslurp: Surgeon: during the operation we will use a powerful laser to remove the tumor
Me: PEW PEW PEW!
Surgeon: Ma'am this is a very serious procedure
Me: [somberly] pew

@refreshingslurp: Me, a magician: we never reveal our secrets

Him: no seriously where is my insulin