Professor X: what’s your power
Me: I can make anything sexy
Sexy Professor X: how


[public execution]

Townsperson: these are always so morbid

Me: *quickly hiding giant foam finger*


Me: I wish all prime numbers were sex numbers

Genie: done

Me: how many wishes do I have left?

Genie: 2

Me: nice


Surgeon: during the operation we will use a powerful laser to remove the tumor
Surgeon: Ma’am this is a very serious procedure
Me: [somberly] pew


Me, a magician: we never reveal our secrets

Him: no seriously where is my insulin