@rmfnord

At some point, you’d think there’d be a governmental inquiry into the excessively high escape rate of Gotham City’s penitentiaries.

@rmfnord

“Whoa! Hey there, buddy, leave me out of it. This has got nothing to do with me.”
– The Horse You Rode In On

@rmfnord

“Release the Kraken!”

“Well?”
“We released him. He just took off. It’s not like he was trained or anything.”

“Release the tuna!”

@rmfnord

Bad enough that literally no one showed up for my Super Bowl party today, but now I can’t even find the game on tv to watch.

@rmfnord

The worst part about crapping my pants at work was having to set the ACCIDENT FREE sign back to zero days in front of everybody.

@rmfnord

If I was a ghost, I’d write “Happy Birthday” in blood on your wall for your birthday, cuz you may be cursed, but it’s still your birthday.