Did my parents think they could just blindly support my choice to wear Capri pants at age 13 without there being any consequences?
I’m a self-made hundredaire
If anyone’s interested in torturing their enemies until they beg for the sweet release of death, I’d highly recommend my niece’s middle school production of The Little Mermaid.
(me, five months after an argument with my boyfriend)
And another thing!
This will be the last time you see this meme on your TL.
roman soldiers are all like “i’m going to fight you in this short, yet tasteful, leather skirt.”
Telemarketer: Let me tell you why our car insurance is better.
(10 minutes later)
My mom: You better email me that meatloaf recipe, Sue, and I hope they drop the drug charges against Ricky Jo!
Me (to friend): Oh my god, you have to meet him! He’s perfect!!
[8 years later]
Silently becomes enraged at the way he butters toast.
Calling my work product a dog’s breakfast is really insulting to the high standards set by the canine food industry.
I try to live my life like every one of the ten people Beyoncé follows.