@rn_murse

Did my parents think they could just blindly support my choice to wear Capri pants at age 13 without there being any consequences?

@rn_murse

If anyone’s interested in torturing their enemies until they beg for the sweet release of death, I’d highly recommend my niece’s middle school production of The Little Mermaid.

@rn_murse

(me, five months after an argument with my boyfriend)

And another thing!

@rn_murse

This will be the last time you see this meme on your TL.

@rn_murse

roman soldiers are all like “i’m going to fight you in this short, yet tasteful, leather skirt.”

@rn_murse

Telemarketer: Let me tell you why our car insurance is better.

(10 minutes later)

My mom: You better email me that meatloaf recipe, Sue, and I hope they drop the drug charges against Ricky Jo!

@rn_murse

Me (to friend): Oh my god, you have to meet him! He’s perfect!!

[8 years later]

Silently becomes enraged at the way he butters toast.

@rn_murse

Calling my work product a dog’s breakfast is really insulting to the high standards set by the canine food industry.

@rn_murse

I try to live my life like every one of the ten people Beyoncé follows.