@robfee

There is a 100% chance you’ve had this conversation with your mom:

@robfee

The guy that figured out babies instinctively hold their breath under water probably had a lot of explaining to do.

@robfee

I bet when the first guy wore glasses everybody was like “Oh la de da, excuse me Mr. I Need TWO Monocles.”

@robfee

Relationships are just two people scrolling through Netflix saying “I don’t care, just pick something” until they both turn into skeletons.

@robfee

If LeBron is better than Jordan, then explain to me why Bugs Bunny has never asked for his help in a game in space. Can’t argue with facts.

@robfee

Sorry pregnant ladies, all of your 3D ultrasounds look like Gollum in an Ikea lampshade.

@robfee

Everyone in horror movies:
*Loud scream*
It was probably just the wind.
*Ghost flies across room*
Just the wind.
*Dog gets cut in half*
Wind

@robfee

Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows (2011) A bunch of adults trash a high school bc a noseless man thinks a child is better than him at magic

@robfee

If you laugh at a kid’s joke that kid will tell the exact same joke at slightly louder volumes 8,000 times in a row.

@robfee

The best thing to do on New Years Eve is set the microwave timer with the countdown so the first thing that happens that year is Pizza Rolls