@RoosterMustache

ME: snakes are mean

TEACHER: right

ME: but it’s not their fault. They have 2 ends & no legs

TEACHER: ok

ME: so the ends justify the mean

@RoosterMustache

*emailing professor after exams*

it hAs been An Awesome And greAt yeAr thAnks for the AmAzing clAss you hAve tAught me A lot

@RoosterMustache

HER: I love sweater weather

ME: *holding up an umbrella to protect us from falling sweaters* It’s that time of year again already?!

@RoosterMustache

Early bird gets the worm

2nd mouse gets the cheese

3rd cow gets the grass

All cows get to eat grass tho, theres not really a low supply.

@RoosterMustache

“Wow this pizza is amazing”

Yes, well it’s our specialty dough.
We soak it in pickle juice.
Dill pickle juice actually.

It’s a dilldough

@RoosterMustache

“Where’d my boomerang go?”

Under there

“Under where?”

Hahaha I just made you say “underwear”

*boomerang hits me in the back of the head*

@RoosterMustache

“My cat just got ran over”

You cant end a sentence with a preposition

“My cat just got ran over lol”

@RoosterMustache

*bursts into church*

DONT MARRY THAT WOMAN

Undertaker: “This is a funeral”

OKAY WELL IT STILL HOLDS TRUE, DONT MARRY HER