@rowdyforsheriff

[Kicks open door to bouncy house]

So anyway I’ve been thinking about what you said last night

@rowdyforsheriff

I’m just looking for a woman who’s smart, funny, sexy and can drive me to a bank heist today at 3pm

@rowdyforsheriff

[Taps cigarette]

Look son, if a girl invites you over for coffee, first make sure she has coffee. You don’t want to get over there and there’s no coffee

@rowdyforsheriff

If my dog has taught me anything it’s if you’re tired just lie down anywhere

@rowdyforsheriff

I keep a Batman costume hanging in my closet in case I bring a girl home and she finds it

@rowdyforsheriff

HER: I’m into the outdoorsy type

ME: [Trying to impress her] I dumped a body in the woods once