@runawaycupcake

The problem with the exclamation point & question mark being side by side on a keyboard:
I’m so sorry your grandma died?
I love you?

@runawaycupcake

Son: Can you teach me about fractions? Me: Sure. I love 2/3 of my children.

@runawaycupcake

“We’re not buying another toy until Mommy gets laid!” might not be the most appropriate thing to yell in ToysRUs.

@runawaycupcake

If I had known what cleaning a toilet is like with a husband and two sons I would’ve become a lesbian.

@runawaycupcake

Apparently just sitting here on my new lawn furniture drinking my Vodka & minding my business is disturbing to other Target guests.

@runawaycupcake

Pretty sure Dora goes on crazy adventures with a monkey because her mom is on Twitter.

@runawaycupcake

Turns out if you speak with an English accent during an interview it’s expected that you’ll continue to speak w/accent after you’re hired