@runolgarun

Anyone who doesn’t believe sentient A.I. will be the death of humanity has never been asked by Waze to make an unprotected left turn.

@runolgarun

saw someone spill their high end juice cleanse all over the sidewalk and now I know god is on my side

@runolgarun

“Sorry, I fail to see how I ‘misled’ you when my profile CLEARLY says I’m ‘a total cat person’?” – half-cat/half-person being after bad date

@runolgarun

that fuzzy feeling when he puts his arm around u for the first time and then his other arm and then his other arm then u realize HE A SPIDER

@runolgarun

I realized I was an adult when I almost bought napkins instead of taking a wad of free ones from Chipotle. Almost.

@runolgarun

*TSA officer opens my suitcase, disembodied fist pops out and punches him*
me: sry sir I forgot I packed a powerful punch
*TSA guns me down*