@ryanyeetz

i’ve seen enough demonic possession movies to know that as soon as you see your kid just standing at the foot of your bed, you kill it. don’t be a hero

@ryanyeetz

i hate getting paid biweekly. i wanna get paid every day. actually i wanna get paid every hour. remind me hourly why i’m even here

@ryanyeetz

my mom: you need to call and make that appointment yourself
me: actually i’m okay. i really only need one good ankle

@ryanyeetz

look for the boy with the broken vape, ask him if he’ll be your escape, and he willllll be loooved