Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
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@samdunsiger : Pho tastes great for a food that sounds like it just gave up.
@samdunsiger: Pandas are seen as useless because they lack energy, they don't have sex and they have extremely poor diets. I am basically a panda.
@samdunsiger: My autocorrect changed “graphic designer” to “groaning designer.” For once, it’s not wrong.
@samdunsiger: Date: I'm a vegan.
Me: *spits pieces of chicken into a napkin* Oh yeah? Me too.
@samdunsiger: Chris: I don't care.
Kris: I don't kare either.
@samdunsiger: Let me make something perfectly clear.
- Anyone who has washed a window
@samdunsiger: Me: I'm worried about my kleptomania.
Doctor: Here, take this.
@samdunsiger: ME: There's something fishy going on here.
YOU: It's just an aquarium.
@samdunsiger: ME, TO MY BEER: Let's get to the bottom of this.
@samdunsiger: If courage is buying an entire tub of ice cream and immediately throwing out the lid, then yes I am definitely brave.