Funny Tweeter

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Page of samdunsiger's best tweets

@samdunsiger : Pho tastes great for a food that sounds like it just gave up.

@samdunsiger: Pandas are seen as useless because they lack energy, they don't have sex and they have extremely poor diets. I am basically a panda.

@samdunsiger: My autocorrect changed “graphic designer” to “groaning designer.” For once, it’s not wrong.

@samdunsiger: Date: I'm a vegan.

Me: *spits pieces of chicken into a napkin* Oh yeah? Me too.

@samdunsiger: Chris: I don't care.
Kris: I don't kare either.

@samdunsiger: Let me make something perfectly clear.

- Anyone who has washed a window

@samdunsiger: Me: I'm worried about my kleptomania.
Doctor: Here, take this.

@samdunsiger: ME: There's something fishy going on here.

YOU: It's just an aquarium.

ME: Exactly.

@samdunsiger: ME, TO MY BEER: Let's get to the bottom of this.

@samdunsiger: If courage is buying an entire tub of ice cream and immediately throwing out the lid, then yes I am definitely brave.