Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Follow us on Instagram. That's it, don't make us say cringy things like YouTubers say at the end of their videos. Click here to follow us

Page of sarcasm_inc's best tweets

@sarcasm_inc : Good cop: where were you last Wednesday?
Cotton Eye Joe cop: where did you come from, where did you go

@sarcasm_inc: I vote we change the word "bar" after "salad" because no one is taking this shot of ranch off me and its starting to get awkward.

@sarcasm_inc: Sorry I'm late, guys. SOMEbody..
*gestures at wife*
told me this knife fight started at..
*sees everyone holding guns*
FANtastic, Ellen

@sarcasm_inc: *waiter lays down my plate*
"Can I get u anything else?"
U CAN GET ME HAPPY FACE PANCAKES LIKE I ORDERED, U FUC-
*he rotates my plate*
oh ok

@sarcasm_inc: [a spider watching soccer when someone kicks a ball into the net] hell yeah, now eat it

@sarcasm_inc: "2015 AND PETSMART STILL DOESN'T HAVE FITTING ROOMS," I say somewhat loudly as Fluffy has to try on sweaters right there in the aisle.

@sarcasm_inc: *at a loud house party*
Is this your- I SAID IS THIS YOUR HOUSE? I NOTICED THE DOG BOWL. WHERE IS HE OR SHE, I'D LIKE TO PET HIM OR HER

@sarcasm_inc: *leans into microphone*
My question is for Salt-N-Pepa.
"Hi" "Hey"
Hi."Push It" is about takin a dump, right?
"No" "Nope"
*hands friend $5*

@sarcasm_inc: *pulls back your shower curtain*
What did you mean by "creepy"

@sarcasm_inc: -THAR SHE BLOWS
*she stops*
Does he REALLY have to be in here?
"My seeing-eye pirate? Yes"
But this is so intima-
"Fill the balloons, Susan"