@sarcasticmommy4

Family dinners are fun because we start out as a family of 6 & then after everyone gets in trouble for acting up it’s a dinner for two.

@sarcasticmommy4

My neighbors are out in their backyard having an epic argument so it looks like the fireworks show is getting started early.

@sarcasticmommy4

Hear me out:

Instead of The Bachelor giving out roses to the women, he gives them each a roll of toilet paper.

This is where we’re at, people.

@sarcasticmommy4

My son came home from golfing & took the longest nap. When he woke up, he said, “I took a total Dad nap. I’m going to make the best Dad!”

Something tells me his future wife will not agree with this.

@sarcasticmommy4

My kids were helping me clean & then they asked what their reward would be.

Um how about you continue to live here?

@sarcasticmommy4

We’re starting this social distancing thing as a family of six but given how everyone is getting along on day one, we might end up a family of four.

@sarcasticmommy4

New Mom: I bought my kids’ Halloween costumes back in August!

Me: That’s cool. I take my kids shopping on October 31st so they can’t change their minds 800 times.

@sarcasticmommy4

Me: Back to school tomorrow! Everyone ready?

14: Yeah, let me check if I have any homework.

He’s been off for 17 days.

@sarcasticmommy4

Have kids so you can be done with your Christmas shopping & they can hand you their “updated” list which includes nothing you bought.

@sarcasticmommy4

50% of parenting is just trying to decide if that noise is worth walking up all of those stairs.