I hate it when I’m at a red light, trying to find a good song, & someone honks when the light turns green.
Calm the hell down. It’ll turn green again.
Walking around the house looking for my coffee that’s already in my hand doesn’t mean I’m losing my mind.
It means I’m a parent.
How’s virtual school going for you? I’ll start.
My son was late to his PE class because he was making nachos.
Driving with my son in the car, I’m singing at the top of my lungs.
He looks over at the lady next to us at the stoplight, rolls down his window & yells, “WILL YOU BE MY MOM?”
I’m a little offended but fingers crossed!
Me, starting a diet:
7am: Egg white veggie omelet, fruit
9am: one slice of cake instead of two
Trying to binge watch a show when you’re a parent takes about 20 years, apparently.
Currently at a pumpkin farm that has 800 activities for kids & zero alcohol for parents.
What level of hell is this?
Family dinners are fun because we start out as a family of 6 & then after everyone gets in trouble for acting up it’s a dinner for two.
My neighbors are out in their backyard having an epic argument so it looks like the fireworks show is getting started early.
Hear me out:
Instead of The Bachelor giving out roses to the women, he gives them each a roll of toilet paper.
This is where we’re at, people.