Funny Tweeter

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Page of sarcasticmommy4's best tweets

@sarcasticmommy4 : My kids sure do make a lot of plans for being people who don't know how to drive themselves anywhere.

@sarcasticmommy4: I'm at my most financial consultant when I tell the McDonald's employee what my change back should be.

@sarcasticmommy4: 13: Mom, you look younger every day.
M: What do you want?
13: A new skateboard.
M: How young?
13: 29
M: Done.

@sarcasticmommy4: If I had a dollar for every time one of my kids said "Mom, you're not funny", I could buy a beach house.

And live by myself.

@sarcasticmommy4: Anyone know a Minecraft interpreter? I don't understand my son's Christmas list.

@sarcasticmommy4: I hate it when I'm on twitter & there isn't a car behind me to honk when the light is green.

@sarcasticmommy4: It isn't until your kids start talking back that you realize dogs would've been a better option.

@sarcasticmommy4: I do this really cute thing, where if I walk by a car that has a stick figure family on their back window, I peel a kid off.

@sarcasticmommy4: It's nice that friends keep picking up my kids for play dates.

It'd be even nicer if they'd stop bringing them back home.

@sarcasticmommy4: *12 pulls a gray hair out of my head*

M: Wow, look at that!
12: Hang on. There's A LOT more!
M:
12: Can I get paid for pulling these out?