Funny Tweeter

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Page of sarcasticmommy4's best tweets

@sarcasticmommy4 : My son said he’d do something in a minute.

So far it’s been 185 days, 16 hours & 11 minutes but who’s counting.

@sarcasticmommy4: Me: I think I’ll try to lose 5 pounds.
HIM: That would be good.
ME: WHAT DO YOU MEAN THAT’S GOOD?
HIM: ....
ME: *rage opens Oreos*

@sarcasticmommy4: Me on FB: All kids home for summer break! My heart is full!

Reality: STOP ARGUING! GO GET A JOB! DO YOUR OWN LAUNDRY! WHO TOOK MY PHONE CHARGER?

@sarcasticmommy4: I left my kids with a list of things for them to do today because apparently I like to be optimistic & disappointed at the same time.

@sarcasticmommy4: Summer vacation with my kids is just me asking, “Have you brushed your teeth today?”

@sarcasticmommy4: My son unloading the dishwasher literally sounds like he dumped the whole thing on the floor & I should probably go look but I haven’t heard any screaming so I think we’re good.

@sarcasticmommy4: Kids: Yay! Summer break!

Me: Look at this Back to School Countdown Calendar I’ve created. EVERYBODY GETS ONE!

@sarcasticmommy4: My kids wanted to know what it's like to be a Mom so I woke them up at 2am to let them know my sock came off.

@sarcasticmommy4: My husband offered to make me a mimosa & then said, “Oh, sorry, we don’t have orange juice.”

Me: “That’s fine. I don’t take orange juice in my mimosa.”

@sarcasticmommy4: My husband started cooking right after I had cleaned the whole kitchen so he’s basically asking for a divorce.