@sarcasticmommy4

My son said that he was bored so I told him he could vacuum, dust or clean the kitchen & Oh! Look at that!

He’s nowhere to be found.

@sarcasticmommy4

New Mom: I bought my kids’ Halloween costumes back in August!

Well-seasoned Mom: That’s cool. I take my kids shopping on October 31st so they can’t change their minds 800 times.

@sarcasticmommy4

My son forgot he needed a new spiral notebook for today & is annoyed I don’t have one like, sorry our house didn’t magically turn into a Staples last night.

@sarcasticmommy4

If you’re on the fence about having kids, repeat “Put your shoes on, please” 100 times in a row until you’re in a blinding rage & see if it’s right for you.

@sarcasticmommy4

My son continued to wear his earbuds shopping with me after I told him not to so he didn’t hear me say I was leaving.

Hope he finds a ride home.

@sarcasticmommy4

*walking into store*

Him: You need a cart?
Me: No, I’m just getting 2 things.
Him: *rolls eyes, grabs cart*

Marriage level: Expert

@sarcasticmommy4

My son said he’d do something in a minute.

So far it’s been 185 days, 16 hours & 11 minutes but who’s counting.

@sarcasticmommy4

Me: I think I’ll try to lose 5 pounds.
HIM: That would be good.
ME: WHAT DO YOU MEAN THAT’S GOOD?
HIM: ….
ME: *rage opens Oreos*

@sarcasticmommy4

Me on FB: All kids home for summer break! My heart is full!

Reality: STOP ARGUING! GO GET A JOB! DO YOUR OWN LAUNDRY! WHO TOOK MY PHONE CHARGER?

@sarcasticmommy4

I left my kids with a list of things for them to do today because apparently I like to be optimistic & disappointed at the same time.