Funny Tweeter

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Page of schumoo's best tweets

@schumoo : Unfollowed a bunch of people this morning because of their views on sweater vests.

@schumoo: I’m not ashamed of my past. Well, except for that time I used the word snazzy.

@schumoo: My plans for world domination will have to be put on hold while I try to open this package of batteries.

@schumoo: When I was a kid I vowed that when I grew up my freezer would always be filled with ice cream bars.

Meet my wife, the dream killer.

@schumoo: Just tell me how many calories are in the entire package and save me the trouble of doing all the multiplication.

@schumoo: Like Grandma used to say, if it seems too good to be true buy as much of that shit as you can.

Grandma drank a lot. We miss her.

@schumoo: "20 McNuggets for $5? That's like a quarter a nugget!" I exclaimed, hoping that my dinner date would be impressed with my math skills.