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Page of seamusmckracken's best tweets

@seamusmckracken : At Red Robin, you can substitute bottomless broccoli for bottomless fries. . . what kind of psycho wants bottomless broccoli? And who thinks it’s a substitute for fries?

@seamusmckracken: Freak your cat out by running in the room, stopping abruptly to lick yourself and then running back out again.

@seamusmckracken: Ever feel like you have one foot in a canoe and the other on a banana peel?

@seamusmckracken: My acting career began at a very early age, when my mom asked who broke the vase in the hallway.

@seamusmckracken: Whenever the weather guy on tv says morning sunshine, I always say “and good morning to you too sweetie!”

@seamusmckracken: Sometimes, when I’m washing my hair with coconut shampoo, I close my eyes and picture being on a remote tropical island, being cooked in a giant pot by canibals.

@seamusmckracken: Whittling a shank in a meeting sends the message that it’s time to wrap things up.

@seamusmckracken: Make sure your first place together is on the ground floor, so when she throws your stuff out the window, it won’t break.