[first day as a waiter]

me: do you have any questions

customer: *pointing at menu* how is this prepared

me: we laminate sheets of paper listing the food choices


her: when I die can you bury me in my favorite dress

grave digger: I usually just wear my overalls


[scene of wreck]

cop: do you want an ambulance

me: no I’ll probably just buy another car


[first day as a pilot]

me: *looking down nervously* what are all these buttons for

co-pilot: they keep your shirt closed


[first day as a cashier]

customer: can I use this coupon for toilet paper

me: why don’t you use the rolls that you’re buying