@secondofhername

Lawyer: As My Lord knows,…
Judge: Don’t presume I know it, counsel.
Lawyer: Beg pardon. *clears throat* As My Lord ought to know…

@secondofhername

Jurassic World: A generically modified smart 50 ft monster has turned violent and this, for some reason, took people by surprise.

@secondofhername

The downside of studying law: you think a lawsuit is the solution to all problems. *resists from threatening Dominos for not giving oregano*

@secondofhername

What is the difference between a girl and a pool table?
You have a shot with a pool table.

@secondofhername

If you reply with “sky” each time I ask what’s up, I shall assume you’re homeless.

@secondofhername

You don’t have to write ‘Twitter addict’ in your bio. Your 58675687K tweets give it up by themselves.

@secondofhername

Winters, when your handwriting turns out the same no matter which hand you use.