when no one is looking, squirrels use donuts as hula hoops
if I was ever in prison I’d quickly assert dominance by giving everyone a fabulous makeover
I try and avoid picking up turtles on the side of the road. Just in case they’re in the middle of a race.
Coworker said ‘nice pink shirt, when did you come out?’ I said ‘IT’S NOT PINK IT’S SALMON!’. Then I snapped my fingers and skipped away.
I hate it when I go to clean my daughters room & I emerge 3 hours later having just finished a delightful tea party with a giraffe & a pony.