I don’t use extra virgin olive oil cause I want my food to have some experience
*Unplugs your smart car to charge phone
My swear jar has more money in it than my bank account
Him: Are you mad?
Her: typing
Her: typing
Her: typing
Her: typing
Her: typing
Her: typing
Her: typing
Her: typingHer: No, I’m fine, why?
“Be strong” I whisper to my coffee.
When someone cries, “No one gets me”
I immediately snatch them and put them in my trunk and yell, “I got you”!
Dear neighbor who mows his yard early in the morning tomorrow,
I found my bagpipes for tonight.
AMERICA:
Where someone will eventually figure out how to fry Vodka