@shanethevein This day sucked so bad I had to stop by the liquor store on my way to the bar.
@shanethevein 
@shanethevein My wife told me some guy at the bar was buying her drinks all night to get me jealous.
We’ll it worked. I wish he was buying me drinks.
@shanethevein I think Tuesdays are worse than Mondays.
You can’t use “It’s Monday” as an excuse.
@shanethevein He died doing what he loved.
He didn’t know she was married.
@shanethevein If you go into a bar by yourself and ask for a water the bartender looks at you like you have leprosy.
@shanethevein I feel melancoll, meloncholl, melancholl, meloncholy, you know what, I’m good.
@shanethevein Cop said that it’s illegal for me to have flashing lights & siren on my car.
I looked at his car and said are you going to arrest yourself?
@shanethevein Wait, there’s a big difference.
Did you say I look like THE Rock or did you say I look like A rock?
@shanethevein The doctor asked if I was sexual active.
I shook my head and said “Not in front of the wife”.
@shanethevein I’m sorry I punched you when you said “Facebook me”.
I thought you said “Face punch me”.