We can put a robot on Mars but we can’t make a hand rail that goes the same speed as an escalator.
“I’d make an awesome president. Give me a problem, any problem.”
“Um, population control?”
“Kill all the storks. BOOM!”
I wish my refrigerator would quit opening my bedroom door, staring at me, sighing and walking away.
It’s actually the voices outside my head that irritate me the most.
They should really replace, “I now pronounce you man and wife” with “FINISH HIM!!”
Most women desire someone who makes them laugh and also feel safe, so basically a clown ninja.
After years of beta testing, my body is ready to launch OS X Cougar.
After years of beta testing, my body is ready to launch OS X Cougar.
After years of beta testing, my body is ready to launch OS X Cougar.
Tonight I’m going to be naughty and tie my man to the bed. Then I’ll make him watch a Golden Girls marathon while I eat the left over pizza.
Tonight I’m going to be naughty and tie my man to the bed. Then I’ll make him watch a Golden Girls marathon while I eat the left over pizza.
“Your honor, my client is absolutely not a flight risk.”
“What makes you so sure?”
“He is a penguin.”
“I just threw up in my mouth a little.” – Cows
Schrödinger’s cat wasn’t so special. I’m both alive and dead inside 24/7.
The only French I know are words for food items and the chorus of Lady Marmelade. Turns out that’s all you really need.