@shegotagronk

Fool me once, shame on you.

Fool me twice, shame on me.

Fool me 53 times a day, you’re an Instagram filter.

@shegotagronk

Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because you were able to steal 12 of his hoodies.

@shegotagronk

Realized it was time to seek help for my Twitter addiction after I opened a carton of eggs and said “Oh look, 12 new followers!”

@shegotagronk

I wished I loved anything as much as white people love saying “gracias” at Mexican restaurants.

@shegotagronk

The camera adds 10 pounds. The front facing iPhone camera adds 437 pounds.

@shegotagronk

It’s fine when Santa does it, but when I see you when you’re sleeping & know when you’re awake it’s “creepy” and “sir, you’re under arrest”

@shegotagronk

My Grandma would be pissed if she found out how many times she’s died so I could get out of having to go somewhere.

@shegotagronk

You know you drank too much last night when you have to use google maps to locate yourself the next morning.

@shegotagronk

Every time my gf stays over we reenact the last scene from Titanic. She hogs 99% of the bed while I’m in the floor hanging on for dear life.