@shopkins776
How many cupcakes do you guys usually take with you for your 30 minute gym workout
@shopkins776
@shopkins776
I’m 53 but my back turned 105 yesterday
@shopkins776
Just saw a sign that said free hugs. I didn’t even know Hugs was arrested
@shopkins776
So far the fourth decade of 2020 doesn’t seem so bad
@shopkins776
According to my dad the top three crimes of all time are:
3. Arson
2. Murder
1. Standing there with the goddamn door open letting all the heat out
@shopkins776
Which essential oil is best for getting people to stop talking to you
@shopkins776
Being an adult
Pros)You can eat anything you want
Cons)You can’t eat anything you want
@shopkins776
I’m 50. If you say you want to be friends with benefits, you better damn well mean full medical and dental with a low deductible
@shopkins776
Hurricane Diary
Day 1)I have stocked enough snacks for at least two weeks of an extended hurricane disaster
Day 2)I am out of snacks
@shopkins776
*At the bar
Me)May I sit here?
Her)I have a boyfriend
Me)That’s ok, I’m 50. I just want to sit down