Impress your wife by cleaning something she just cleaned and then proudly announce, “There! Now it’s clean.”
Me: Marijuana is good for my glaucoma.
She: But you don’t have glaucoma.
Had to be a woman that coined the phrase “severance package.”
No guy is putting those two words so close to each other.
The good thing about being a chubby chaser is you don’t have to run very fast or very far.
Somehow stumbled upon a nude beach. .
Yeah, found myself in the middle of no wear.
Prominently display feminine hygiene products in your living space to let him know your eggs are still viable.
If you guys don’t hear from your sexy lady friend TC today it’s because he’s spending Father’s Day with his family.
Two guys in CA walked off cliff playing Pokémon.
Natural selection accelerated at 9.8 m/sec².
Wife to instructor: What if my knees start to hurt?
Me to instructor: See what I’m up against?
[ phone call ]
Wife: You want the white 7″ or the black 9″.
Me: The black 9″.
..and if she wasn’t tablet shopping this would be awkward.