@shutupmikeginn: Astronauts are cowards, why don't you stay down here and face earth's problems like a man
@shutupmikeginn: I just walked in on two coworkers crying in a conference room and I was like, "mind if I join?"
@shutupmikeginn: I have sloth-like reflexes
"Don't you mean catlike reflexes?"
[several hours later]
@shutupmikeginn: if someone asks me if I need help finding something in a department store I like to slowly describe a gun
@shutupmikeginn: If you're ever bored in a taxi I recommend mouthing, "Help Me" to strangers and watching their facial expressions
@shutupmikeginn: I wish I were an octopus so that the answer to all of my problems would be, 'change color and escape in a cloud of ink'
@shutupmikeginn: The pigeons behind my apartment are fighting for claim to half a rain soaked hotdog. Fighting me.
@shutupmikeginn: Sing me a song you're the piano man / clean out my pool you're the gardener /now light up my room you're a ceiling fan