Funny Tweeter

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Page of shutupmikeginn's best tweets

@shutupmikeginn : If you get engaged and you and your partner both owns dogs do the dogs become brother and sister or are they married too?

@shutupmikeginn: My funeral instructions to my family were to have me cremated, and I told my best friends under no circumstances should I be cremated.

@shutupmikeginn: I'm a club photographer, I take pictures at the club and people pay me to delete them

@shutupmikeginn: Sea turtles happened when god got stoned one night and wondered what would happen if a frisbee was a lizard.

@shutupmikeginn: Astronauts are cowards, why don't you stay down here and face earth's problems like a man

@shutupmikeginn: I just walked in on two coworkers crying in a conference room and I was like, "mind if I join?"

@shutupmikeginn: I have sloth-like reflexes

"Don't you mean catlike reflexes?"

[several hours later]

@shutupmikeginn: if someone asks me if I need help finding something in a department store I like to slowly describe a gun

@shutupmikeginn: my idiot dog just ate a box of condom. i was gonna eat those buddy

@shutupmikeginn: If you're ever bored in a taxi I recommend mouthing, "Help Me" to strangers and watching their facial expressions