@shutupmikeginn: My funeral instructions to my family were to have me cremated, and I told my best friends under no circumstances should I be cremated.
@shutupmikeginn: I'm a club photographer, I take pictures at the club and people pay me to delete them
@shutupmikeginn: Sea turtles happened when god got stoned one night and wondered what would happen if a frisbee was a lizard.
@shutupmikeginn: Astronauts are cowards, why don't you stay down here and face earth's problems like a man
@shutupmikeginn: I just walked in on two coworkers crying in a conference room and I was like, "mind if I join?"
@shutupmikeginn: I have sloth-like reflexes
"Don't you mean catlike reflexes?"
[several hours later]
@shutupmikeginn: if someone asks me if I need help finding something in a department store I like to slowly describe a gun
@shutupmikeginn: If you're ever bored in a taxi I recommend mouthing, "Help Me" to strangers and watching their facial expressions