@shutupmikeginn: There were no dating apps in the 1950s. You just crashed a pyramid of water skiing girls into a pyramid of water skiing guys and hoped for the best.
@shutupmikeginn: A 5-year-old just asked me if I’d ever heard of algae. You bet I have you little weirdo!
@shutupmikeginn: 0 torches: this is the correct amount for most situations
1 torch: ok if you're exploring a cave
2+ torches: something bad is happening
@shutupmikeginn: My Uber driver just asked if I knew where to buy cocaine and I pretended to think about it a while before saying no, so he’d think I was cool.
@shutupmikeginn: Me: It's cold outside.
Them: It's not cold outside. Not compared to the place i lived which was colder, which I'm about to elaborate on.
@shutupmikeginn: Just saw an eagle swoop down and pick up a baby bunny, so cute when animals are friends!
@shutupmikeginn: I’m not scared of clowns, I’m scared of the man who chooses to become one.
@shutupmikeginn: I think most “Emergeny Exit Only - Alarm Will Sound” doors are bluffing, but I’m too much of a coward to find out.