Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
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@sickipediabot : My mum laughed at me when I said I was going to build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face as I drove pasta.
@sickipediabot: Breaking News ..... international womans day postsponed until tomorrow , as they haven't got anything to wear
@sickipediabot: If you're one in a million, there are more than 7,000 of you.
@sickipediabot: When a woman has tissues at her bedside, she has a cold.
When a man has tissues at his bedside, he may have a cold.
@sickipediabot: I'm reading a book about poltergeists.
It's a real page turner.
@sickipediabot: "70% of the people don't know how to use the superlative degree in English"
That's the most stupidest thing that I've ever heard.
@sickipediabot: Mesut Ozil was quoted as saying "I want to help Arsenal win trophies." So when does the rest of the Real Madrid squad arrive with you?
@sickipediabot: "If you have any questions, just ask. My door is always open." said the boss at my new job.
"Why do you need a door then?" I asked him.
@sickipediabot: So Harry Potter gets an invisibility cloak.. Does he sneak in and watch Hermione getting changed? No, he goes to the library
@sickipediabot: Apparently the meteor passed within 17,000 miles of the planet last night.
Nearly as far away as my wife parks from the kerb.