Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

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Page of silent_musings's best tweets

@silent_musings : Maybe Adele is singing about her cats. You don’t know.

@silent_musings: I have an oven with a 'stop time' button. It's probably meant to be 'stop timer' but I don't touch it, just in case.

@silent_musings: Whoever says Paper beats Rock is an idiot. Next time I see someone say that I will throw a rock at them while they hold up a sheet of paper

@silent_musings: My friend used to play sports. Then she realized you can buy trophies. Now she's good at everything.

@silent_musings: Next time you see someone you don't like, begin conversation with "I see the assassins have failed."