This bathroom looks like my kids’ toothpaste comes out of a fire extinguisher.
My favorite thing right now is calling air pods ‘air buds’ in front of my daughter and her friends.
Christmas decorations should come with coupons for couples counseling.
I’m cleaning out the attic if anyone needs a mint condition box and user manual for a cordless phone I donated to Goodwill 13 years ago.
I opened the dishwasher and it’s full of clean dishes and I’m scared my wife is going to know that I know.
Y’all ever rage clean your kids’ toys so hard that whoever goes to Goodwill next week is going to hit the Jackpot?
Rival dad invited us over for dinner and I offered to sharpen his kitchen knives right in front of his wife and kids.
Me: [Alone in our kitchen making a sandwich]
My teeanager: Why are you trying to embarrass me?
Has anyone tried lighting a fall scented candle to fix 2020 yet?
The pharmacy will look you straight in the eye with no line of people and tell you it will be 20-30 minutes for them to take some eye drops off the shelf behind them and put them in a little bag.