Me: [Alone in our kitchen making a sandwich]
My teeanager: Why are you trying to embarrass me?
Has anyone tried lighting a fall scented candle to fix 2020 yet?
The pharmacy will look you straight in the eye with no line of people and tell you it will be 20-30 minutes for them to take some eye drops off the shelf behind them and put them in a little bag.
Took over 70 days of quarantine but we finally got that roll of Christmas wrapping paper from behind the bedroom door put away.
My kid can tell me all about a 24 minute episode of Paw Patrol in 56 minutes.
One of the best parts of marriage is having someone to hate the couples on House Hunters with.
Our dishwasher doesn’t know what hit it.
Just ran around the house cheering because the Chopped chef’s dessert turned out even though he was way late to the ice cream machine. We miss sports.
If you had asked me what the hardest part of battling a global pandemic would be I would have never guessed, “teaching elementary school math.”
Day 3 of home schooling, just had a parent teacher conference with my wife and there was a lot of blaming.