@simoncholland

Me: [Alone in our kitchen making a sandwich]

My teeanager: Why are you trying to embarrass me?

@simoncholland

The pharmacy will look you straight in the eye with no line of people and tell you it will be 20-30 minutes for them to take some eye drops off the shelf behind them and put them in a little bag.

@simoncholland

Took over 70 days of quarantine but we finally got that roll of Christmas wrapping paper from behind the bedroom door put away.

@simoncholland

My kid can tell me all about a 24 minute episode of Paw Patrol in 56 minutes.

@simoncholland

One of the best parts of marriage is having someone to hate the couples on House Hunters with.

@simoncholland

Just ran around the house cheering because the Chopped chef’s dessert turned out even though he was way late to the ice cream machine. We miss sports.

@simoncholland

If you had asked me what the hardest part of battling a global pandemic would be I would have never guessed, “teaching elementary school math.”

@simoncholland

Day 3 of home schooling, just had a parent teacher conference with my wife and there was a lot of blaming.