@six_2_and_even

*queuing up in the Dunkins drive-thru astride an ox, its horns bedecked with braided garlic and a snare drum*
“Decisions were made. I’ll have a large xtra xtra and one bucket of oats, please.”

@six_2_and_even

No matter how hard I try, I never feel like I’ve shaken the bottle of Italian dressing quite enough

@six_2_and_even

Look man, don’t make me do 2 minutes of research to bolster my already flawed argument

@six_2_and_even

Pretty sure the NFL would expand their fan base if a player’s helmet changed colors like a mood ring

@six_2_and_even

Don’t tell the fam I’ve been throwing all the unpaid bills and broccoli into the wood stove

@six_2_and_even

Guys, no matter how whack it is down here, we should probably stop swearing in front of the Canadians

@six_2_and_even

The only reason to ever wear a shirt in the summer is to have a place to tuck a paper towel in when you’re eating spaghetti FACT