How to get out of jury duty: When they read the charges, no matter what they are, yell out
“Oh come on. Even I’ve done THAT!”
If you don’t know me, don’t judge me. Unless you’re making me a pizza and you say
“This woman looks like she wants extra cheese.” That’s ok
My neighborhood is having a meeting tonight about the crazy naked lady and I’m the only one not invited. Weird.
*tries to mount a horse*
Horse: “I have a boyfriend.”
Turn up? At my age, I’m just happy when I can turn over.
Picking out the right Christmas tree is a science. Sneaking into your neighbor’s yard to cut it down is an art.
Thanks for posting another selfie. I completely forgot what you looked like 24 hours ago.