@sixfootcandy

How to get out of jury duty: When they read the charges, no matter what they are, yell out
“Oh come on. Even I’ve done THAT!”

@sixfootcandy

If you don’t know me, don’t judge me. Unless you’re making me a pizza and you say
“This woman looks like she wants extra cheese.” That’s ok

@sixfootcandy

My neighborhood is having a meeting tonight about the crazy naked lady and I’m the only one not invited. Weird.

@sixfootcandy

Picking out the right Christmas tree is a science. Sneaking into your neighbor’s yard to cut it down is an art.

@sixfootcandy

Thanks for posting another selfie. I completely forgot what you looked like 24 hours ago.