@skedaddle74

If the government implants a tracking device on me the only useful information they are going to get is how many times I actually pee in a day.

@skedaddle74

My bf: talking of politics, real world issues, upcoming events.

Me: do you think donkeys like the sound they make?

@skedaddle74

All the answers you need in life are in that one movie your mom wouldn’t let you watch when you were seven.

@skedaddle74

If you were curious about my level of crazy, I woke up from a nap in my recliner and tried to put on a seatbelt.

@skedaddle74

The only thing you can wish for in this life is that the person you say “I do” to appreciates your Star Trek memorabilia as much as you.

@skedaddle74

I dressed up my fly swatter in a baby doll outfit so everytime I swat one I can say “uh-oh, baby did a bad thing”

@skedaddle74

If I’m going to pick up something and I ask you, “What would you like?“ and you say “I don’t know, surprise me” I will come back with nothing for you, cuz surprise, you should of made a decision.

@skedaddle74

I admire people who make it easy to find the refrigerators cheese drawer when you visit their home.

@skedaddle74

I know it’s not on any calendar but it’s “put on clean underwear” day.

You’re welcome.