You don’t need a therapist.
A five year old will tell you everything that’s wrong with you for free.
I’ve been talking to my husband in nothing but eighties song lyrics this morning.
Cuz you know, “it takes two to make a thing go right”, but only one wife to drive him crazy.
So I’m at the level in marriage where your spouse tries to kill you with a heart attack by yelling “kaboom” in the middle of the night while dreaming.
Once, when I was drunk, I threw a fan out of my bedroom window because it wouldn’t turn on.
Guess I should of plugged it in first to see why.
me: loudly being theatrical about waking up in the morning “why doth thou sunshine brighten in my eyes at such an early hour”
my husband: just close the blinds
Eat a spoonful of garlic powder before you whisper all the sweet nothings in your spouses ear.
Follow me for more relationship advice.
I’m going to give you the best advice you could ever receive: if a raccoon rings your doorbell, DON’T ANSWER IT!
Goes to a psychic
Her: your aura is yellow a very nice softness to you, you are a very warm and loving person but when people make you angry you…
Me: PEE ON THEM!
I still remember the day I asked my mom “why did you have so many of us? (I have 4 brothers and 2 sisters)
Her response: there was nothing good on T.V.
As I get older I realize my eyesight is not what it used to be.
I saw ‘whole eggs’ and read it as ‘whale eggs’ and for a minute I thought “whales lay eggs?”