There are two types of people in this world: those who finish things
*Reads your ransom note*
*Edits for grammar and punctuation*
I stole one of those Krispy Kreme “HOT NOW” signs and hung it over our bed because good communication is important in a marriage.
I have a confession…
I don’t like Oreos.
And it feels so great getting that off my chest!
*blocked by all of Twitter*
Offering $50 and a case of beer to anyone who can take out my alarm clock and make it look like an accident.
Him: *running* That’s not what they mean when they say, “Chicks dig scars!”
Me: *shovel in hand* It’s what this chick means.
Me: He said he likes mac-n-cheese better the way his mom makes it.
Female judge: Case dismissed!
Sorry, but that was only my favorite food in the world BEFORE you bought 5 cases of it at Costco.
5 & 8:
Mommy, may I wear these boots?
Can you find my jeans?
Will you brush my hair?
Will you tie my shoes?
Mommy, why aren’t you ready?
My microwave broke. So, we’re finding innovative alternatives. Did y’all know the surface on top of the oven heats up, too? Honest to God.