@skittle624

Leaving my son at college

Me, crying: Eat healthy food, dress warm when it’s cold, be careful late at night, wash your sheets once a week, take vitamin c every morning

Husband: Love ya bud

@skittle624

Wishing everyone peace, love, and happiness in the new year. And if you’ve ever done me wrong, a touch of chlamydia.

@skittle624

You think jumping out of an airplane is dangerous? Pfft…try going to Trader Joe’s when you’re starving to death.

@skittle624

Eating chips and watching TV annoys me because of the loud crunching noise. Then I realize I’m eating chips and watching TV and I’m not annoyed anymore.

@skittle624

I eat oatmeal in the morning to help my cholesterol. I eat cheese for the rest of the day because I ate oatmeal in the morning.

@skittle624

I can be back in bed in about 16 hours.

~me, every time my alarm goes off

@skittle624

Drinking 8 glasses of water isn’t easy, but I get really thirsty when I eat Funyuns. So problem solved. It feels good to be healthy.

@skittle624

I just watered a few plants so I’m ready to open a landscaping business.

@skittle624

You’ve got some nerve

~my dogs, to anyone who walks by our window

@skittle624

Sometimes I deliberately forget to use dryer sheets so my husband can go to work with my panties stuck to his shirt.