People telling me “Don’t be stupid” like I have some kinda say in the matter.
My neighbours probably think I’m getting laid, but these are just the sounds I make whenever I take my socks off.
Barista: How do you take your coffee?
Me: Seriously. Very seriously.
Just like Hitler with the tiny mustache, Kim Jong-Un is ruining that haircut for everyone else.
*when E is a constant variable that can’t be touched
The worst part of seeing a spider in the shower was the way it covered it’s eyes when it saw me.
My cat said “meow”, so I answered with a “meow”, and now I’m afraid of what I may have agreed to.