@skylerhanrath

Mike: Mom! We’re out of burrito paper!
Mom: Dammit Mike, they’re tortillas. You’re twenty six.

@skylerhanrath

[pirate ship]
Pirate: Walk the plank
Me: *struts down like nobody’s business*
Pirate: wait come back that was awesome you’re one of us now

@skylerhanrath

If you want a medical degree, they’re literally hanging on doctor’s walls. Grab one.

@skylerhanrath

*training the dog to sit*
Me: So you’re already low to the ground, but you must get lower.