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Page of slaughthie's best tweets

@slaughthie : Therapists listen to anything you wanna say. The other day I was like “there is so much hair in the world and I feel like we could be doing something powerful with it but the hairdressers won’t comply” and my therapist just nodded

@slaughthie: My friend just brought me a coffee and I started crying bc it was such a sweet and small but genuine act of kindness and she was like “I’m your waitress, you literally just ordered this” and that is just classic her I love her so much

@slaughthie: How do you stop eating chips and salsa do they have to run out or do I die or what

@slaughthie: Boycott kissing men at midnight. It’s New Year’s Eve not New Years Steve.

@slaughthie: Who called it baking and not making love

@slaughthie: My anaconda don't want none unless you got a suitable living environment for him, a terrarium with a heat lamp, some small rodents, etc.

@slaughthie: Someone told me they dont get tattoos cuz "you dont put bumper stickers on a Ferrari" which was weird bc he was a 92 Chevy caprice at best

@slaughthie: I got called "vein" and I'm just like, k not the most vital component of the circulatory system but still essential so thank you

@slaughthie: You breed dogs? Don't they do that on their own?

@slaughthie: All I'm saying is that the Care Bears gave me some very unrealistic expectations.