If a lady ever jumped out of my cake goddamnit she better be holding more cake
APOCALYPSE SURVIVOR: “We must conserve resources. Only people with useful skills! What’s yours?”
ME: “I write and want to dir–”
When I lose a follower, I like to pretend they were Taken, then I go to Europe and shoot absolutely everyone.
“No Kanye, it’s called Coney Island.”
The worst thing about when someone tells you to chillax is what to do with their corpse.