YouTuber: if you like this video smash that subscribe button

Hulk: way ahead of you bud



Me: I don’t know if you think this is weird but you remind me of my mother

Her: Can I put her picture down yet?

Me: I’ll tell you when you can put the picture down Rebecca


Boss: Can I speak to you about your recent insubordination?

Me: I don’t know, CAN you?

*High-fives high school English teacher*


‘I don’t think I’ve ever been this hungry before’

–Me, every 45 minutes



Me: You and me baby

Her: Ain’t nothing but mammals?

Me: so let’s do it….?

Her: …like they do on the discovery channel!

Both of us: *hibernate for 4 months*


Prince Charming: check out the babe

Doc: oh that’s Snow White, she’s dead

Prince Charming: I should kiss her

Doc: do you really think that might bring her back to life?

Prince Charming: bring her what now?


‘What’s in the box? What’s in the box? WHATS IN THE BOX!?’ I shout. ‘Ha ha, just kidding my name is Drew and I’m your new gynaecologist’


When your relationship runs into a problem you can’t figure out, simply use BEDMAS to solve



The same people who tell you to follow your dreams are the ones who are all ‘surprised’ when you show up to do a presentation buck naked. Do not trust these people. Stay woke and follow zero dreams.