@sofarrsogud: ME: I'm ok. I'm ok. It's just cramp.
GYM INSTRUCTOR: Ok, tie your other lace and lets do this.
@sofarrsogud: ME: Cauliflower is bullshit.
EXECUTIONER: Those are really gonna be your last words?
@sofarrsogud: My wife carved 'I'M FINE' into a pumpkin especially for me
So she's obviously cool with me watching football all day and breathing an stuff
@sofarrsogud: [Takes out scrunchie and shakes out my slicked back ponytail] Take the mugshot again.
@sofarrsogud: ME: [introducing my brother's daughter whose name I've forgotten]
This is niece.
@sofarrsogud: My son was like 'I got a D in my maths' and I was like 'That's really bad' and my wife was like 'you need to stop doing his homework'.
@sofarrsogud: My son is happy I'm staying off twitter until he goes to bed so as to spend more time with him.
He is not happy with his new 6pm bedtime
AC/DC: Who's ready to be Thunderstruck?
ME: [from front row] IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO BE STRUCK BY THUNDER!