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Page of sofarrsogud's best tweets

@sofarrsogud : [Watching Star Trek with my date]

ME: *leans in* It's called Star Trek but the stars don't actually go anywhere.

@sofarrsogud: ME: I'm ok. I'm ok. It's just cramp.

GYM INSTRUCTOR: Ok, tie your other lace and lets do this.

@sofarrsogud: ME: Cauliflower is bullshit.

EXECUTIONER: Those are really gonna be your last words?

@sofarrsogud: My wife carved 'I'M FINE' into a pumpkin especially for me

So she's obviously cool with me watching football all day and breathing an stuff

@sofarrsogud: [Takes out scrunchie and shakes out my slicked back ponytail] Take the mugshot again.

@sofarrsogud: ME: [introducing my brother's daughter whose name I've forgotten]

This is niece.

@sofarrsogud: My son was like 'I got a D in my maths' and I was like 'That's really bad' and my wife was like 'you need to stop doing his homework'.

@sofarrsogud: My son is happy I'm staying off twitter until he goes to bed so as to spend more time with him.
He is not happy with his new 6pm bedtime

@sofarrsogud: CONCERT

AC/DC: Who's ready to be Thunderstruck?
CROWD: *screams

@sofarrsogud: ME: *watching a meteor shower

METEOR: Can you get out of my bathroom.