“I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For” is my favourite song about opening and closing the fridge 150 times a day
Me:[slathers self in butter]
Them: I said BETTER! Better yourself!
what if our teeth screamed obscenities at us every time we brushed them?
Me, performing surgery:[stops midway and sticks both of my hands out to see which one is L-shaped for “left” ]
*stops midway* wait….did you say shrek or shark
-me as a tattoo artist
you’re= you are
you’ve= you have
you’ll= you will
i’m= still waiting for a text back
choose your fighter(holiday edition)
Don’t you just hate it when you’re in the middle of crafting a great tweet but then you get rudely interrupted and lose your train of thought?
Passenger in car: OMG WATCH OUT
me: [searching for the will to live]
will: I have a girlfriend
Wait…was it my left or your left?
-me as a surgeon