@solsayswhaaa

“I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For” is my favourite song about opening and closing the fridge 150 times a day

@solsayswhaaa

Me:[slathers self in butter]

Them: I said BETTER! Better yourself!

@solsayswhaaa

what if our teeth screamed obscenities at us every time we brushed them?

@solsayswhaaa

Me, performing surgery:[stops midway and sticks both of my hands out to see which one is L-shaped for “left” ]

@solsayswhaaa

*stops midway* wait….did you say shrek or shark

-me as a tattoo artist

@solsayswhaaa

you’re= you are

you’ve= you have

you’ll= you will

i’m= still waiting for a text back

@solsayswhaaa

Don’t you just hate it when you’re in the middle of crafting a great tweet but then you get rudely interrupted and lose your train of thought?

Passenger in car: OMG WATCH OUT